Finding Light in the Shadows: Embracing the Complexity of Suffering

Suffering- a feeling that is as universal as it is personal, and while we learn never to compare what we feel to that of others, for suffering is subjective and consumes one irrespective of how great or small, it’s often hard for many of us to label it so. Perhaps the most difficult truth of existence is accepting one’s pain as suffering.

So, what is suffering? Characterized by loss, it is the nagging feeling of pain that’s hard to put into words. Often we may find ourselves feeling like we’re careening down a steep road, dodging obstacles with no end in sight. This ‘loss’ can mean many things. It can mean the loss of a home, of health, of self and safety, of financial security, a dream, a job, a relationship, or that of a loved one or pet. Whatever the reason, suffering is an intrinsic and inevitable part of life. It can raise profound existential questions about the nature of life, love, and loss and the usual ‘Why? Why me?’.

While the question of ‘why’ may remain unanswerable in itself, the possibility of what it can turn into has been touched upon by many. From the beginning of time, philosophers, psychologists, and spiritual healers have spoken about finding meaning in suffering. By embracing challenges, we can transform this pain into an opportunity for growth, purpose, compassion, and strength.

Sounds strange, right?? I know. Don’t get this wrong, it isn’t some toxically positive approach of always having to be okay or strong, rather it is the means to fully experience your pain, to give it time, and then by finding purpose, getting through. It doesn’t mean trauma is ‘good’ or will make always make you ‘stronger’. But in a world of negativity, it is the hope that we can get through and not suffer meaninglessly. It is the dichotomous understanding that as there is pain, there will be resilience and purpose.

The first step is to accept and experience our emotions. To accept the place we’re in, to recognize what we feel rather than denying or suppressing it. Anxiety or pain can only be alleviated by working through it, avoidance will make it come back time in again when you perhaps least expect it. Sit with your feelings, the full range of emotions.

Find comfort in your relationships. Sharing our struggles with friends and family, and seeking support can be a powerful way to find meaning in suffering. You don’t have to go through this alone, reach out to your loved ones, let them be there for you, and share your burden. Approach others who may have gone through something similar. Apart from empathy, compassion, and understanding, they can provide us with their insights and perspectives.

The third involves confronting your emotions in an attempt to gain a deeper appreciation of life. No good can come out of the loss of someone, but we can cherish our memories of them and appreciate the impermanence of existence. In a theory called post-traumatic growth (PTG), Tedeschi found that after trauma people often develop a new understanding of themselves and others, gain greater clarity, and a new outlook on life. While this theory might seem extreme, research has found that people that attempt to find a ‘silver lining’ or a way to learn through their trauma tend to cope better. It doesn’t mean that you have to find good ‘in it’ but what good can ‘come of it’.

Lastly, suffering can be a catalyst for finding a deeper sense of purpose in life. By reflecting on our values and what matters most to us, we can identify ways to use our pain to make a positive impact in our lives. Find activities that give you happiness, think about what it would require to be your best self. Take time out to write something, learn an instrument, or find a way to turn your pain into a meaningful way to help others.

There is no way to know whether or not something can help unless we try, and there is no way to get through something until we try. It is important at the same time to strike a balance with ourselves, to understand our pain but also that of others, to find strength and courage but also to give ourselves time to process, to trust our abilities but also take support from others.